The Quiet Power of Platonic Love
The Quiet Power of Platonic Love
When we think about love, our culture tends to place romantic partnership at the top of the hierarchy. We celebrate engagements, weddings, anniversaries, and grand romantic gestures. Yet some of the most meaningful, sustaining, and transformative relationships in our lives are often our friendships.
Platonic love deserves more recognition than it gets.
Friendships hold a unique kind of intimacy. They are often built over years, sometimes decades, of shared experiences, inside jokes, life transitions, heartbreaks, reinventions, and celebrations. They witness who we have been and who we are becoming. Good friends remember our stories, reflect our strengths back to us when we've forgotten them, and sit beside us during seasons that feel too heavy to carry alone.
There is something deeply healing about being known by peers.
Unlike family relationships, which we inherit, or romantic relationships, which often carry expectations around partnership, finances, parenting, and daily logistics, friendships are chosen. We continue showing up because we want to, not because we have to. That choice creates a particular kind of freedom.
In many friendships, our lives are not completely intertwined. We don't share mortgages, parenting responsibilities, household management, or major financial decisions. While these shared responsibilities can create deep bonds within romantic partnerships, they can also introduce stress, conflict, and competing needs.
Friendships often operate differently.
Because our lives are less entangled, there is frequently more room for acceptance. A friend can disagree with our choices without those choices directly impacting their daily life. They can support our growth without needing us to grow in a specific direction that benefits them. They can celebrate our dreams without those dreams requiring sacrifice from them.
This distance isn't a weakness of friendship. It is often one of its greatest strengths.
Friends can sometimes offer a wider lens, more curiosity, and less agenda. They can hold space for complexity. They can remind us who we are when we have become lost in the demands of work, parenting, caregiving, or partnership.
Friendships also create opportunities for something we all need but rarely talk about: shared dreaming.
Some of my favorite conversations with friends have very little to do with solving problems. They are conversations about possibilities. What do we want next? What are we creating? What lights us up? What kind of life are we trying to build?
Friends often become witnesses to our becoming.
They encourage the business idea. They read the first draft. They listen to the wild dream. They remind us of our courage when fear starts getting loud.
And then there is the simple gift of fun.
As adults, many of us become so focused on responsibilities that play quietly disappears. Friendships invite us back into laughter, spontaneity, creativity, and joy. They remind us that life is not only about productivity and caretaking. It is also about connection.
For many people, especially those who have experienced trauma, friendship can be an important place to practice healthy intimacy. Healthy friendships teach us that closeness does not require self-abandonment. They allow us to experience mutual care, reciprocity, honesty, and support while remaining fully ourselves.
Perhaps this is why friendships can feel so nourishing. They offer love without ownership. Connection without obligation. Support without control.
Platonic love may not receive the same cultural attention as romantic love, but it is no less significant.
The friends who answer the phone, send the text, celebrate the win, sit with the grief, remember the dream, and stay present across the years are participating in one of the most beautiful forms of love available to us.
If you're fortunate enough to have those people in your life, tell them.
Friendship is not a consolation prize for romantic love.
It is a profound and valuable form of love all its own.
14 Lessons from 14 Years: Insights from a Therapist in Private Practice
Knowing that I don’t know more than I know, is what keeps me open, curious and flexible.
This is based on an attitude of mindfulness called beginner’s mind. As soon as I decide that I know, I stop being truly open. When I’m not open, I’m not present. When I’m not present, I can’t really even see the person or people I’m with. That’s true in my work and in my personal life. If I stay centered in not knowing, there is an energy of discovery that inspires me to be more curious and helps me to be more present. In that energy, the people around me feel seen and I feel like I’m a part of something much bigger than my ego or the facts my mind says matter so much.
Owning a small business has taught me how to hold space for both the freedom of autonomy and the, at times, overwhelming pressure, which taught me that:
Creativity flourishes in an atmosphere of freedom, focus and consistency
These two beliefs highlight how freedom continues to be the perennial muse for me. In the pursuit of professional freedom, I’ve had to learn to deal with the pressures of being a business owner AND being the service/product I offer. Even on the days or seasons that it seems too risky, it remains totally worth it because for me, facing those pressures creatively is what deepens my sense of personal freedom.
Good therapy is grounded in science, really good therapy is a blend of art and science.
I’ve come to believe this wholeheartedly. I’ve witnessed countless times where the reigniting of hope, of faith, of trust comes from following a hunch based on a picture I see in my head, or a word I can’t shake during a session. That’s the art; it’s surrendering to the dynamic process of psychotherapy, trusting that the science is the paint and the painting is co-created from the openhearted connection between the therapist and the client.
You can only meet others to the depth you have met yourself (this is a hill I will die on).
I’ve come to believe this in my core. Clients can feel the energy of the therapist, they can feel if I’m genuinely ok going where they need to go. Being able to walk alongside them wherever they need to go, is often what is so reparative for them. You can’t fake it. It will erode the trust in a nanosecond. I think this is true in personal relationships too. When I stay centered in this construct, I don’t create unrealistic expectations of others, which actually helps me to see and appreciate people as they are (this is very much a progress not perfection thing for me).
This work restores my faith in the human spirit and at the same time, challenges me to not lose faith in humanity.
I’m moved to tears on a weekly basis, sometimes daily basis, by the courage and tenacity of the human heart. I’ve witnessed hundreds of people transform and recover from horrific atrocities to build meaningful, joy filled, lives. It’s truly the most humbling thing I’ve witnessed. At the same time, it’s hard to reconcile this with the depravity of the crimes my clients suffer, the systems that oppress them, and the seemingly unrelenting violence against vulnerability and innocence. I believe, at least I do right now, that inhabiting the space where I’m willing to wrestle with the ills of humanity while being simultaneously inspired by the human heart is an act of respect for my clients’ lived experiences. I hope staying in the discomfort of the tension between those two states will help me to keep growing, so I can contribute more to the solutions than I do to the problems.
The more I care for myself, the more I can care for my clients.
Energy doesn’t lie. When I care for myself, consistently, I have the energy I need to be present for each of my clients. They can feel the resonance of what I’m saying to them if I’m centered in the same practices. Again, there’s no faking it with this.
I think I’ve learned more from my clients than they’ve learned from me.
The relationships I have or have had with my clients has, and continues to transform who I am. What an incredible gift that is, one I don’t think I can ever pay back fully.
Therapeutic self disclosure, when used mindfully, IS a powerful tool for clients.
I’m not quite certain why it’s so powerful, it seems like a situation where the sum is greater than the total of its parts. What I do know, is that sharing my humanity, (intentionally and skillfully) is how a heart can remember it is connected to other hearts, it’s safe and it can heal.
I love lunch, and my lunch hour is sacred.
The entire time I’ve been in business, I’ve blocked off the hour of 12-1 for lunch. I think it’s one of the smartest business decisions I made. It gives me time to rest, to recharge and to eat without rushing, which I always enjoy, AND midday eating is simply the best. It’s when food hits just right. Lunch is a love note I give myself on a daily basis, and If you know me, you know it always ends with some dark chocolate.
Owning my mistakes with clients helps build trust as much as getting it right does.
We all miss the mark. Trust in relationships is built with emotional safety, and owning my mistakes creates an atmosphere of safety. Yes, clients need to feel like I’m competent to help them, but part of that competence is being human. In grad school, I worried a lot about making mistakes with clients. I was so concerned the mistakes would undermine the trust clients had in me. I was so wrong. Do I need to learn from my mistakes so I don’t keep making the same ones, absolutely. Owning them when they happen is the first step in learning from them.
The more we all learn to feel safe within ourselves in uncertainty, the more we will individually and collectively heal, (another hill I will die on).
Life is uncertain and there are so many unknowns as we navigate the uncertainty. If we pretend that isn’t true, it creates significant mental distress. Coping with uncertainty around us by building an internal sense of safety feels similar to living in a well built house with a sturdy foundation and good roof during a storm. It doesn’t influence when the storm ends, it does give you the felt sense of safety you need to help you feel your way through it.
Clear is kind, unclear is unkind, thank you Brene Brown.
Clarity reduces anxiety. It helps people to trust themselves and their perceptions and at the same time it reduces the risk of misunderstanding and misguided assumptions. It’s a way of demonstrating respect for yourself and others because it says I know there is nothing inherently wrong with expressing myself (it is our power) and I trust that you (the other) are capable of dealing with it.
Listening, truly listening, is the language of love.
This isn’t something that words can describe well. Try it, I think you’ll feel the same.
I am so grateful I get to practice what I love everyday.
Discover How To Nurture Your Heart’s Intentions: Cultivate Growth Through Shedding, Learning & Rebirth
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In the transformative energy of the Year of the Snake, we invite you to step into the woods and embark on a journey of growth, stability, and creativity. This immersive, women-centered workshop is designed to help you shed what no longer serves you, engage in the dual process of learning and unlearning, and experience a powerful rebirth.
Who Is This Workshop For?
This experience is for Gen X and Millennial women who are ready to:
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Engage in movement, meditation, and creative expression to nurture personal growth
When Is This Workshop?
April 12, 2025 10 AM to 2:30 PM
What to Expect in This 4.5-Hour Workshop:
Shedding – Letting Go with Intention
Collective Reiki and breathwork to cultivate curiosity
Embodiment-based movement to embrace openness
Journaling and group discussion to facilitate release
Learning & Unlearning – Embracing the Dual Process
Mindful eating to practice presence
Meditation to explore the layers of learning and unlearning
Expressive art to experience the freedom of transformation
Rebirth – Stepping into Your Power
Reiki and breathwork to ground into your inherent worth
Meditation to connect with the expansiveness of self
Art exercises to embrace inner confidence
Your Investment: $375 (Limited to 8 Participants)
Your fee includes:
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✅ All supplies and nourishing snacks
✅ A journal to support continued growth and reflection
✅ A 90-day post-workshop Zoom check-in for integration and support
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***If this retreat is something you're interested in, but your current budget doesn't allow for this price point. Please contact us alison@alisonsintegrativehealth.org